This healthy relationship wheel shows the behaviours we deserve to have in all of our relationships. It shows some examples of what these behaviours might sound or look like in a relationship. In a healthy relationship, we feel values and respected. We are listened to and have a safe space to openly express how we feel. Healthy relationships are mutual and equal. You can find out more by connecting to this resource from Healthify – He Puna Waiora
https://healthify.nz/hauora-wellbeing/r/respectful-relationships
This unhealthy relationships wheel was creating using examples from the LoveCreep campaign. Unhealthy Relationships are when one person uses behaviours or words to try and gain power and control over the other person. This may be through using physical, emotional or sexual harm. Sometimes these behaviours can start off ‘small’ and get bigger and bigger over time. People trying to gain power & control over someone else use a pattern of behaviours to diminish the other person and isolate them from others in the community. You can connect to the LoveCreep campaign to find out more. This campaign has been created using real life examples of patterns of controlling behaviours that people in Aotearoa have experienced.
Introducing a values based discussion is a great place to start.
When you know what you like in a person, it’s easier to identify when looking for a relationship.
On a piece of paper (or you can just discuss with your teen) what the key qualities are they look for in a friend. You may like to use the Healthy Relationship wheel for some prompts. Once they have a strong sense of what values they look for in a friend, you can ask them what values they would look for in a ‘date’ or in a romantic relationship.
*The importance of this conversation, is to reiterate that the qualities that we look for in a friend, shouldn’t be any different to what we look for in a ‘date’. The only difference would be the physical attraction we have toward a ‘date’ vs a friend’ . Sometimes there can be lots of pressure to date or get into romantic relationships which means that people rush into connections with people they are physically attracted to without actually stopping to think about these important values. Q: If you dated someone you were physically attracted to, but they didn’t value you for who you are or respect you, would this be a healthy relationship?
This is a worksheet you may like to work through with your teen, or you may like to leave your teen to work through it on their own time. It may also just be a tool for you to build a conversation around.
Imagine the healthy relationship wheel is a bike tyre. When we have all components of the tyre, the bike rolls smoothly. If one section of the wheel is missing, the tyre will still function but may be a bit bumpy. In order to fix the tyre, we may need to have a conversation with the other person in order to restore the tyre. However, there may be situations when we do not feel safe to communicate how we are feeling, in this instance, we may need to talk to someone that we trust who can support us.
If the tyre is missing lots of sections, it will become unsteady and the relationship may become unhealthy. In these circumstances, we may need to replace the wheel.
Using the values and ‘I’ statement tool, what could you do if…
Support
Even though your teens may not always tell the truth, if harm happens to them, they need to know that it’s not their fault and that they can always come to you. Just because they lie to you, or do something they were not allowed to do, if someone sexually assaults them, it is not their fault and it is important they know they always have someone to go to for support. Remember you don’t need to be the expert, there are external agencies and organisations that offer help and support when needed.
